Real Office Holland Style

sorry i haven't been in touch guys but i have been away on business, got lots to tell though so get ready......

Well i was asked to go to Holland for a business trip so i thought great another course under my belt, fantastic only to be told.

"Mr xxx (fuckface) is going with you to"
Yes that's right, i had to spend three days in Amsterdam and then eindhoven with him.
"So we are going to Holland my friend?"
"yes, we are, going to be good eh?"
"yes i am going to get some jiggy jiggy"
"jiggy jiggy? you dirty bastard, but you're married?"
"my wife no do things like that!"
"oh right well i'm not fucking around pal, we have got a short transfer from shippoll airport to eindhoven, last thing i want is to be stuck in dam"
"don't worry yaar, we go dam, put the bags in a locker and then go see some phud phud"
I couldn't believe what i was hearing, this guy was a pervert (which was ok to me) but he's been giving me the "i don't eat non halal meat" and the "i don't cheat on my wife" shit to everyone in the office so hearing this stuff made me wonder.

Anyway arrived at the airport bright and early, waited around for mr Fuckhead and guess what the bastard comes to the airport in?
A FUCKING SHELL SUIT! A shell suit i tell you, what the fuck?! I just put my head in my hands. I had to say something.
"Ummmmm..... where did you get that from?"
"You like?"
"Yes i love lime green"
"Hai?????"
"Don't worry bout it, lets go check in"
So off we went and checked in via the self service checkout thinga majig. Afterwards we thought we'd go to departures cause we didn't have much time left so we went through and made it quite quickly.

Anyway everything went quite smoothly for me anyway, Mr idjit's bags were kept and searched thoroughly, which i found most amusing. I was allowed straight in.
For those of you that dont know, i hate flying, i dont mind the actual flying bit, its the take off bit that fucks me right up. It's worse when you are in the arse of the plane and you see the rest of the plane taking off whilst your bit is still on the floor.
It got worse when i had a running commentry on the whole flight by Mr Idjit.

"ooohhhh look you can see lots of land from here".

Anyway arrived in dam in plenty of time and got the train to the eindhoven and then a cab to the hotel. Anyway the 2 days went pretty ok, course was good and i managed to fuck off from Mr idjit on regular occasions.
The flight back was pretty much the same and just as i thought this whole trips gone ok for once, what happens? I get bombarded by questions by this snotty faced kid at immigration at Heathrow.
This little shitebag, gets my passport and...
"hello sir , how are you?"
"fine thanks, and you?"
"could you please move to the right sir?"
"eh?"
"the right, you're standing too far over to the left, just wait over here for a little bit while i ask you some questions"
"are you serious? too far over to the left?!, thats a first"
That was it, i went into bastard mode, this little shit head was being a dick splash. Why is it asian boys always have to give it the big un with other asians guys? Think its a macho thing, you know, my cocks bigger than your cock mentality.
He looked at my passport picture and...

" can you lift off your cap"
"you didnt say the magic word"
"sorry sir, please can you lift off your cap?"
"yes i can"
"sooo......... are you going to?"
"ohhh..... you want to take it off? why?"
"just sir......"
so i took off my cap.
"so where you coming from sir?"
"iraq!"
"what were you doing there?"
"training camp"
"it says you came from amsterdam?!"
"well what you asking for then? I knew this shit would happen, what is this? stop a muslim day?"
"i havent stopped you?"
"well i have STOPPED walking havent i?"
"oh well if you mean it literally"
"WTF, what other way is there? And why is it everyone else gets to go straight through and i get stopped like im a somalian with a dodgy passport?"
He smiled a bit and his colleague laughed a little too....
"thanks anyway sir, have a nice day"
"yeah, yeah, you have a fucking nice day too with your pen behind your ear you little shit bag"
I didnt actually say that bit to him...anyway went through, met the mrs and my little un and went home, now i've got to it all over again in another weeks time.

See ya then