Hahahahahahaha, its taken a little longer than expected by my sis is realising that being a parent aint easy.
Slowly she is realising that we weren't being awkward (wanting to go home early for his bedtime, worrying about what he is eating, who's looking after him, what he's doing?)
I remember family / friends used to piss me right off when my son was born,
"oh its still early, go home later"
"oh don't worry about food, they'll be food there for him to eat!
"oh surely he'll go to sleep in the car on our way there"
"he not drinking milk anymore?"
"he doesn't eat your food anymore does he?"
"theres nothing of you in him is there?"
"don't worry about him"
"if he doesn't eat don't worry!"
There are loads more but hopefully now that my sis has a devil of her own she'll appreciate what a pain in the arse she and the rest of the familia were at times.
Onto my parents.
My parents you must understand have no concept of healthy eating. Their idea of a healthy meal is a burger, roti and two fish fingers, which is what they have been feeding my son on for the past year.
I have come to the conclusion that no matter what i say or do, whilst me and the wife are at work, they will give my little un and sis's kid too whatever they please which includes a variety of goodies, the current list stands at:
pringles
twix
smarties
apple pie (tesco smart price)
fruit drink
mars
easter egss they were given ages ago
ferrera rocher
ice cream
And yes sis, they stuff apple pies down both our kids throat, in fact i brought my son to my mum and dads house one day and said
"mum, dad, he hasn't had any breakfast, can you give him something?"
"yes of course, what you think we wont feed him"
"ok, ok, dad, chill out" and with that i left.
Now usually that's that and i make my way to work but............... this time i had forgotten my wallet so i take a u turn and make my way back to my mums house to collect my wallet.
I park the car, open the front door..
I open the living room door and what do i see???
My son sitting on the sofa with a plate on his legs in front of the TV watching cbeebies with 2 apple pies in his plate and half a pie hanging out of his mouth!
"aBUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
"Ummmmmmmmmmm, son who gave you that?"
"dahda and dahde"
"you had any toast?"
"toast rubbish, apple pieeeeeeeeeee!"
"oh ok, and where are they?"
"gone garden"
"can i take these off you for a min and give you something else like toast?"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! APPLE PIEEEEEEEEEEEE!"
"WELL TOUGH! AND DONT SHOUT AT ME?"
"ok Abu"
Now once in a while giving them a little treat is ok but my parents seem to be doing this more and more often.
My son actually has his own stash of smarties he brings home, and even more funnier is that he tells me.
"dahda give me all time"
"oh really? what else?"
"chocolates, smarties, apple pies, ICE CREAAAMMMM"
"what for a treat?"
"All time"
"oh....."
Its a losing battle that i feel will only end in tears!
Tuesday 12 June 2007
Saturday 9 June 2007
Never prank a prankster!
Now imagine this, you wake up in the morning expecting to go to a meeting with some work colleagues, you wake up at 6am, have a shower, get dressed up, suit, tie, etc.
You arrive at the place where you are suppossed to have the meeting and you open the door and all your work colleagues are sitting in a changing room shouting "surprise?!!!"
"Umm......what the fuck is going on? Wheres this meeting?"
"There isn't any!"
"You WHAT? Then what the fuck is going on? What am i doing here?"
"You my fat friend are playing in a football tournament with US and you're the goalie" Put this shirt on, these boots, these shorts and we'll meet you outside in 5"
As they all casually walked past me in their full attire, giggling as they go past me one by one, giving me a re assuring slap on the back im standing in the middle of the changing room going "What the fuck has just happened?"
I actually closed my eyes and re opened them just to check I wasnt dreaming this up!
I fell for it biiig time and i knew why they had all done it too!
It was my fault really? All week these guys have been busting my balls about how they are soo fit etc etc so i thought id put them to the test.
A brief explanation is required. Ok, the bicycle's in the Netherlands are really weird, firstly they're really upright but comfortable and they dont have conventional brakes. The only way of breaking is to pedal backwards, a bit like a bike i used to have waaaay back in the day.
Anyway also on these bikes are these lights which are powered by Bottom Bracket or “Roller” Dynamos. These dynamos are mounted on the back wheel and contact the tread which in turn generates power to the light efficiently. (The dutch are very eco friendly)
Whilst the dynamo does not wear the side of the wheel out or make it difficult to ride it would if some childish guy went up 10 of the bikes and screwed the dynamo's up making them touch the wheel allot more therefore making it a right bitch to ride, which, is exactly what i did.
They had planned a little bike trek of about 30 miles after the training course on saturday in but i decided not to go, 20 miles a day is enough for me without going for a 30 mile trek on a friday night! (too tired).
Anyay it was fucking hilarious when they all came back absolutely sweating like little piglets, all of them looking really concerned and pissed off, they came hobbling into the hotel like the walking wounded.
"Fucking hell boys. what the fuck happned to you, you lot get jumped?"
"We are going to get that fucking guy at the bike hire shop!"
"Why man, tell me, whats happened?"
"The guy at the bike hire shop fucked us man?"
"What do mean, come on tell me?"
"The fucking dynamo's are fucked, they're on too tight! It was fucking impossible to ride the fucking things!"
"So why didnt you take off the dynamo's"
"Cause smart ass it's pitch black where we were and we wouldnt have been able to see shit!
I couldnt hold it in.
HAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, oh man, your faces crack me up!
"You bastard! It was you wasnt it?"
"Yep"
"You cunt!"
A couple of the guys took it ok, the others sulked a bit but found it funny after their hot showers and the free drinks from the bar. Adn thats where they all must have planned this one!
A football match! And not even a friendly one, same company but different departments from around the world!
Anyway after hours of sitting in the rain waiting for our turns to play we found out what we already knew, we were all shit at football. I did make some stunning saves though!
Anyway i decided to leave early after the game had ended, apparently there was a BBQ afterwards etc but i wanted to come back to the hotel to have a hot shower and relax.
That and the fact i have put deep heat in their chadi's.........
You arrive at the place where you are suppossed to have the meeting and you open the door and all your work colleagues are sitting in a changing room shouting "surprise?!!!"
"Umm......what the fuck is going on? Wheres this meeting?"
"There isn't any!"
"You WHAT? Then what the fuck is going on? What am i doing here?"
"You my fat friend are playing in a football tournament with US and you're the goalie" Put this shirt on, these boots, these shorts and we'll meet you outside in 5"
As they all casually walked past me in their full attire, giggling as they go past me one by one, giving me a re assuring slap on the back im standing in the middle of the changing room going "What the fuck has just happened?"
I actually closed my eyes and re opened them just to check I wasnt dreaming this up!
I fell for it biiig time and i knew why they had all done it too!
It was my fault really? All week these guys have been busting my balls about how they are soo fit etc etc so i thought id put them to the test.
A brief explanation is required. Ok, the bicycle's in the Netherlands are really weird, firstly they're really upright but comfortable and they dont have conventional brakes. The only way of breaking is to pedal backwards, a bit like a bike i used to have waaaay back in the day.
Anyway also on these bikes are these lights which are powered by Bottom Bracket or “Roller” Dynamos. These dynamos are mounted on the back wheel and contact the tread which in turn generates power to the light efficiently. (The dutch are very eco friendly)
Whilst the dynamo does not wear the side of the wheel out or make it difficult to ride it would if some childish guy went up 10 of the bikes and screwed the dynamo's up making them touch the wheel allot more therefore making it a right bitch to ride, which, is exactly what i did.
They had planned a little bike trek of about 30 miles after the training course on saturday in but i decided not to go, 20 miles a day is enough for me without going for a 30 mile trek on a friday night! (too tired).
Anyay it was fucking hilarious when they all came back absolutely sweating like little piglets, all of them looking really concerned and pissed off, they came hobbling into the hotel like the walking wounded.
"Fucking hell boys. what the fuck happned to you, you lot get jumped?"
"We are going to get that fucking guy at the bike hire shop!"
"Why man, tell me, whats happened?"
"The guy at the bike hire shop fucked us man?"
"What do mean, come on tell me?"
"The fucking dynamo's are fucked, they're on too tight! It was fucking impossible to ride the fucking things!"
"So why didnt you take off the dynamo's"
"Cause smart ass it's pitch black where we were and we wouldnt have been able to see shit!
I couldnt hold it in.
HAhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, oh man, your faces crack me up!
"You bastard! It was you wasnt it?"
"Yep"
"You cunt!"
A couple of the guys took it ok, the others sulked a bit but found it funny after their hot showers and the free drinks from the bar. Adn thats where they all must have planned this one!
A football match! And not even a friendly one, same company but different departments from around the world!
Anyway after hours of sitting in the rain waiting for our turns to play we found out what we already knew, we were all shit at football. I did make some stunning saves though!
Anyway i decided to leave early after the game had ended, apparently there was a BBQ afterwards etc but i wanted to come back to the hotel to have a hot shower and relax.
That and the fact i have put deep heat in their chadi's.........
Thursday 7 June 2007
Thundercats & Transformers
I already knew that there is a new transformers movie about to come out but when i heard that there was a Thundercats movie too in the pipeline, i couldnt believe it!
I loved that show with that little critter SNARF! Wonder if he'll be in there??!
Anyway heres the links for those who fancy a little sneak peek!
http://www.brutesquad.com/Movies/Thundercats/index_noframe.htm
http://www.transformersmovie.com/
I loved that show with that little critter SNARF! Wonder if he'll be in there??!
Anyway heres the links for those who fancy a little sneak peek!
http://www.brutesquad.com/Movies/Thundercats/index_noframe.htm
http://www.transformersmovie.com/
Never trust a dutch guy with skank in his name
I have to tell you that im not the thinnest of guys and having heard that one of my colleagues was riding a few miles to the training centre every day i thought hey i know ill ride in too!
So i hire a bike for a week and............
TEN fucking miles later we get there!
"Oi i thought you said it was a few miles"
"Yes it is"
" A few miles out of the city!"
"Wanker"
So i hire a bike for a week and............
TEN fucking miles later we get there!
"Oi i thought you said it was a few miles"
"Yes it is"
" A few miles out of the city!"
"Wanker"
Wednesday 6 June 2007
Ulimited Photo's
Not that im a crim or anything but i have found out the following:
Just join up to Photobox and enter the code T340P-37432-B29CA this will give you 40 free prints and a free P&P credit.Now go to your print credits and add the code SUNDAYMIRROR1 this gives you a further 50 prints. You can use this code as many times as you need - it just keeps on adding 50 prints!Tested and working today - all print credits and free P&P end on 9 June 2007 so hurry!
It works! Just uploaded all my photos and have oredered tham all to my house for FREE!!!
Only works for 6x4 or 6x4.5 film sizes!
Just join up to Photobox and enter the code T340P-37432-B29CA this will give you 40 free prints and a free P&P credit.Now go to your print credits and add the code SUNDAYMIRROR1 this gives you a further 50 prints. You can use this code as many times as you need - it just keeps on adding 50 prints!Tested and working today - all print credits and free P&P end on 9 June 2007 so hurry!
It works! Just uploaded all my photos and have oredered tham all to my house for FREE!!!
Only works for 6x4 or 6x4.5 film sizes!
Tuesday 5 June 2007
John Pilger
On a serious note (and yes i do have one!)
Since this course is soooo fucking boring i have been scouring the internet and have come across some articles by John Pilger, he's a brilliant journalist and has managed to get his message across onto the big screen finally! Theres a trailer below for those who are interested.
See the links below for the trailer and some great articles.
http://warondemocracy.net/video_low.htm (Trailer)
http://www.johnpilger.com/page.asp?partid=438 (Articles)
Since this course is soooo fucking boring i have been scouring the internet and have come across some articles by John Pilger, he's a brilliant journalist and has managed to get his message across onto the big screen finally! Theres a trailer below for those who are interested.
See the links below for the trailer and some great articles.
http://warondemocracy.net/video_low.htm (Trailer)
http://www.johnpilger.com/page.asp?partid=438 (Articles)
Enter the dragon
My wife rang me to tell me she left our son in his cot and went downstairs, she came back up to find him not in his cot but on the floor playing!!
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